If Only She Knew…
A sigh escapes from her lips as I trace my curious fingertips along her collarbone. My lips meet with hers and I pull away. I close my eyes and allow our beating hearts to become in sync with one another. As they play their innocent games of hide and go seek, I rest my head gently into her arms - as if I gotten too close, she might be able to hear the thoughts that were running through my mind. Her skin becomes a painters canvas and I am her starving artist. As I explore the depths of her physique, my fingertips leave behind the silent memoirs of our love. My soul has been patiently waiting to intertwine and dance with hers. In the background, I hear the continual ticking of the clock and it’s a mere reminder that time is of an essence but as I lay in her arms, I feel infinite. I know that as soon as the sun peeks through the windows, a new day will fall upon us and this means that we will go back to being strangers.
If I could press pause and live in that enticing moment of my life, I would. I want to hide beneath her bedsheets and never again will I let her go. I manage to utter a silent weep of pain as the rays of sunlight began to make it’s grand appearance. I shut my eyes as the last attempt to fight off the truth. If the world would end today, would she be completely satisfied with accepting the end? There are so much that is left unspoken and promises left broken. If after today I cease to exist, is there something that she’d want to tell me?
Stop.
I lay there giggling at my foolish hopes. She remains soundlessly asleep and for the next few minutes, I lay there with her - watching her dream and wishing that I could dream with her. I slowly make my way to the edge of the bed. I turn around and plant one last kiss upon her cheeks. My lips trembled as I uttered my final words to her. GoodBye.
I delete my name from her phone book and all traces of our memories. It will be as if I never existed - not that it would make much of a difference. If only she knew that this night meant so much more to me than it will ever mean to her. She has a whole life ahead of her and as for me, I knew exactly what life has in store for me. Chemotherapy and pain has leeched itself into the core of my soul. I was living on a timeline and death is patiently waiting for my company. I still have the strength to smile because I will be liberated from this earth with beautiful memories to carry along on my journey. As for her, I know she will be just fine without me.
But if only she knew.
